28.

I step into the pub and I'm immediately bombarded with ridiculous silly noise. Shitty little speakers spew out fake accents that wail and whine about whiskey, fields of barley, and some other bullshit. If I didn't need a drink so badly I'd throw myself at the speakers and beat them to death. Apparently every scrap of Irish culture was morphed into some caricature and then stuffed into this bar. The word "Guinness" is printed on everything. The pub is empty and I mosey on over and take a seat at the bar. This big bald meat head stomps on over to me and throws his hands down on the counter like as if he didn't hold it down it'd float up to the sky. "No bums allowed. Now get the fuck out." My brain snaps in half and I wanna plunge my thumbs into his eyeballs. I contain myself and pull out some crumbled ones and throw them on the bar. He grits his teeth. We gnarl and bark at each other. "I ain't no bum and I got money so gimme a shot and beer. I don't care what." Staring face to face across the counter, we're the same person. Two sides of the same asshole. Or coin, whatever bullshit you wanna say. We have more in common than we think. We stare unblinking waiting for the other to yield. He has no idea what a colossal patient asshole I am, however. I feel my face tick and sneer. Under other circumstances I wouldn't be surprised if me and him were to become good friends. Two assholes rolling around town acting like douchebags looking for trouble. It's a shitty movie waiting to happen. Fuck, I should get a friend who's a bartender just so I can try and get free drinks.