16.

The clerks face expresses some strange mixture of lividity and constipation. His mouth shrinks into this tiny asshole shape and his eyebrows sink so low they practically consume his eyes. And suddenly, with great impetuosity, that tiny asshole expands and becomes a massive gaping chasm. And from it bellows, "God damn it! First of all, I was already coming over here to ask you to leave. Customers have been complaining about you muttering about beef jerky and others said you were just standing there for minutes at a time doing nothing but staring at the computer like you were about to assault it. I can also now see that you smell like something a cat shit on. If all that wasn't enough to throw you out the minute I come over you stab me in the face with a pen! So, I'm going to have to ask you to get the fuck out, you filthy Ave Rat." Ouch, Ave Rat? Could there be any lower blow? I've been on the Ave for roughly 20 minutes and I'm all already being accused of being one of the transient homeless kids that mill about. I'm torn between feelings of rage and degradation. I settle with degradation and I give him a look like I'm a 2 week old puppy that was just swiftly kicked. He doesn't seem to be in the sympathetic mood. Some student walks by and I can hear Huey Lewis and the News's "Heart and Soul" playing on their iPod. And damn, I never realized how prominent the organ was in that song. "Fucking shit guy, are you gonna leave or just stand there like a fucking turd? Do you not speak English or something?" Damn this guy is pissed. My embarrassment starts to shift over to anger but I rationalize it's not worth it. I figure I got what I came for so I should just leave. I reach into my pocket and pull out a pill bottle full of Skittles. I open the bottle and down the bottle of candy and start to munch wildly, mouth fully open. I start to belt out "Hip to be Square" and leave the store. I turn back to look at his face and all that anger has fled in exchange for fear and bewilderment. As I walk out the door I start to laugh out loud and I don't even feel angry or ashamed. I continue to laugh as I walk up the Ave and I revel in it.